I saw a blog the other day on what to do for a new mom that inspired me to write a blog on what to do for a grieving Mom. I have talked with a few other mom who have lost a child and some of the feelings and thought are the same as mine. I am not an expert but I know what helps me get through those tough moments.
1. You don't have to know what to say a simple "I am sorry" will work.
2. Listen to her. Let her tell the same story or her experience over and over again. She doesn't get to make new memories and she is processing everything by telling you her experience.
3. Cry with her
4. Don't wait for to ask or call you for help or support. Drop by her house with a treat or lunch for her and offer her support
5. Come over to help her do her everyday chores (laundry, dishes, vacuuming,)
6. Text, call or leave her messages to let her know you are thinking about her. She feels alone and overwhelmed.
7. Bring her meals in disposable dishes so she doesn't have to worry about getting them back to you. If you bring paper plates and disposable silver she won't have to worry about the dishes for one night.
8. Offer to go do errands with her. Gets her out of the house and gives her support if she gets overwhelmed and looses it.
9. Give her a reason to get out of bed.
10. Help her remember the little things.
11. Continue to shower her love long after her loss.
12. Try to remember on her hard days (holidays, anniversary dates, birthdays hers and her child's, Mother's day etc.
13 Give her a gift card for take out for the days she just too overwhelmed to think of dinner.
14. Tell her she is a wonderful mom.
15. Give her a memory box for her small tokens, flowers from the funeral, cards, programs.
16 Give her a present that she can keep and that will remind her of her child (an ornament, nick knack, a picture.
17 If she has older kids offer her a day that you take them and pick them up from their activities.
18. Give her a bouquet of flowers for no reason
19. Share your memories of her child with her.
20. Tell her she has not gone crazy when she can't remember anything.
21. Make her a play list of encouraging songs or Mom songs
22. Tell her its OK for to have a good time with her child
23 Don't tell her child is with a loved one in Heaven. She wants her child with her.
24. Don't take anything personal when she is grieving
25 Don't tell her how strong she is or God wouldn't give this trial. She doesn't feel strong and she doesn't need any other reason to blame herself for her child dying.
26. Laugh with her even if it seems an inappropriate time for laughing
27 Don't judge her when she laughs or cries at inappropriate times.
28. Be willing to leave when she suddenly looses it while you are out with her
29. Understand the emotional wave can hit at anytime
30. Send her a random card
31. Help her write the thank you notes from the funeral.
32. Don't expect her to "get back to normal"
33. Remind her she is not alone.
34. Don't become uncomfortable when when talks about her child
35. Give her scriptures and encouraging quotes, and poems
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