Halloween

This is the time of year I have a love/hate relationship with. I used to love this time of year. It was the start of the Holiday season for me. My kids loved Halloween. Bryan especially. He loved anything that food or candy was involved. He loved to dress up and loved to get candy. I think he went trick or treating right up to the end. I think he said he was chaperoning a small child. He used to say he was going to steal some little kids bag just to get their candy. Instead of stealing candy he always found some little goblin that was crying or fell and dropped his candy. He would help the little kid pick up his candy or tell him to stop crying, then he would share his candy. He couldn't stand a little one crying. It always brought tears to my eye (and still does) at how big of heart Bryan had. He always wanted everyone to believe he was tough, he was one giant teddy bear.

Bryan liked to dress up but he loved the time with me and Krystal discussing our plans of the costumes, making or buying them and putting the final touches on them. My favorite was when he decided he was going to be a cheerleader and then chickened out and was a bloody dead cheerleader because it was more manly. This year I think he will try to be a devil. I can hear him arguing with St. Peter. He always loved a good debate!

 This year is the second year of the hate part of the relationship with this time of year. I guess for obvious reasons. He is not here. But I hate the flood of emotions I have with every memory. So happy yet so sad. The double edge sword pierces and then chops up my heart. I have already started the insomnia and the dreams. My guess is they will stick around until after the first of the. The roller coaster of emotions will get higher and lower.

November 1 I will start writing on my other blog what I am thankful for. However today I will start the list on here. I am so thankful that I got to be Bryan's mom. What an awesome privilege it was and is. There were a lot of ups and downs, trials and triumphs, failure and accomplishment but I wouldn't change anything about those special 25 years except that when and how he left this earth. I am so blessed to have had him. He could always make me smile and at the same time I would be madder than heck at him.

 I want to ask everyone that if you knew Bryan or know me and how much I want Bryan to be remembered positively, and not just as the kid that was fun to party with and od'd, please do at least one random act of kindness during this Holiday season in the his memory. I am guessing this would be pretty much all of you if your reading this. I would love to hear what kind of acts were done to keep Bryan's memory alive. Leave a comment, post it on Facebook, text me. If you don't want to tell me the act could you please let me know you did one?

Silly reminder

Someone has a warped sense of humor. I admit it made me smile

Today when I pulled a pair of jeans off the closet a pair of Bryan's boxers fell on my head. I know they were Bryan's because no one else in the family wears boxers. Bryan has been gone 15 months now. I have been pulling jeans and pants off my shelf almost everyday sense then  I have even stood on my bed to look up there. Never have I seen a pair of his boxers up there.  Your guess is as good as mine as to how they got up there. I can say I smiled and chucked to myself.  It's the kind of thing that would make our family smile and shake our heads. Bry, I love you so much. It was nice to have a silly reminder of you even you did wear them on your skanky  butt!