This Fathers Day was harder than Mother's Day. I am not exactly sure why. I am thinking its because Bryan and I had our traditions. I raised him as a single mom and did my best to fill the void he had of not having a dad. I taught him football, baseball and many other sports. I took him fishing,baited hooks with worms ( not my favorite thing to do), I wanted him to be all boy. I probably went overboard and over compensated. Bryan recognized my efforts, and from the time he was about 13 he always made a point of wishing me a happy Fathers Day. I always talked to him sometime during the day. I even got a few cards.
We had a good day as a family celebrating the day, but for me there was a huge piece of my heart missing. I took a lot of pictures of the kids but all of the pictures are missing someone. I always hesitate when taking pictures if the kids together and refuse to take a family photo. I dont understand. He didn't even live in the same state and i got very few of all of the kids together and almost none of the entire damily, so why I have such a strong reaction to taking picture of the kids or family pictures? Sometime I really don't understand the emotions and change grief causes. It is not logical.
My venting is over now. I miss my Bud. I will always love you. Happy Fathers Day!
