Mother's Day

Its almost been 10 months.  I know you guys are all getting tired of hearing how long it's been but it's become a part of me.  This is Mother's day weekend.  I can say I am not excited and I want to just forget about celebrating being a Mom.  Yes I know I have 3 other children, I love them but I was his mom first.  I hate celebrating being a mom without him.  It doesn't make sense but I gave up on making sense.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  I am working this weekend which I was hoping would be a good thing however I have a feeling I will be with the Mommies and babies at work helping them celebrate the love that has been created by just being a Mom 

There is a lot going on in the next few weeks and months.Mother's Day of course, I have to face to first 2 life events in the family since Bryan died. I am going to Utah and for the first time in 10 years he won't be there to hang out with. Bryan's birthday is in June as well as Father's Day. I know what youre thinking why is Father's Day a big deal.  He used to wish me a Happy Father's Day saying I was the best mom and dad he could have! Then the 1 year mark in July. Not a day I am looking forward to except to say I survived a year when I didn't think I would.

This month both Stefanie and Meg graduate.  The first of many life events that will happen without Bryan.  I am so happy and happy for my nieces.  Its so hard because I want him there to tell them how proud he is of them.  He loved both of them so much.  He thought of both them more as sisters.  He would have protected and beat up any boy that ever hurt them.  I want to hear him give them a hard time and tell them how smart they think they are and how no boy will ever be good enough for them.  Stef and Meg, Bryan would be so proud and loved you both so much.  He would tell you both to go after your dreams and don't look back.  Don't stop till you have reached the stars!

Since it is Mother's Day I decided to end this post on a happy not and with a happy memory or Bryan me and Krystal

When we were living in Peoria, money was tight but the kids had asked if we could go out to lunch for Mother's Day.  I said we could but we would have to go somewhere inexpensive and get the cheapest thing on the menu.  We chose applebys.  While we were waiting to be seated Bryan went to get something from the car. When Bryan was out the door, a gentleman that was leaving asked to talk to Bryan.  He asked Bryan if I was a single Mom.  Bry said "yes my dad died when I was small."  The guy gave him money and told him to treat me to a good Mother's Day lunch and to get me some flowers.

Bryan came back and said we can order whatever we want and get dessert.  He then asked if I would take him to Walmart after lunch. I said we can't get whatever we want I don't have enough money for a big dinner.  He told me about the gentleman that gave him money.  He wouldn't tell me how much he gave him.  I took him to walmart and he and Krystal bought flowers and a present for me. Bryan later told me he spent all but $2 for dinner and the presents.  He then gave me the change.  If you knew Bryan he never gave me back the change!  One of the best Mother's Days ever!