This is a hard post to write, not just because of the emotional side but because I turned my back on God, not so much turned away from him but ignored Him. I wouldn’t or maybe couldn’t acknowledge his presence in my nightmare. I ignored the soft whispers, the nudges and the comforts He was giving me. I questioned where he was. He was with me and my family the whole time from the first call until now. It’s taken me a long time to see His work, to realize I wasn’t alone, to see for myself the promises in the Bible are for me and are not just not for the people of the Bible.
Many of you have heard or were by my side during the worst days of my life. I am going to share with you, a different perspective, a look back at where God was.
I missed the first couple of calls which was a blessing since I was in a Las Vegas convention center full of young dancers and their families. The first call I answered was from my sister. I am sure not the call she wanted to make, she was on vacation with her family in Colorado and she had to break the news to. “Bryan overdosed you need to call Mom.” God was there. He let me hear it from the one person that I would take it seriously, the one person that has been there and stood by my side in every ugly, hard messy moment of my life.
The next call I made to Mom but she did answer a police officer did. God was there he was preparing me for what was to come. “Bryan overdosed. The paramedics are working on him and have been working on him for a long time”. He was basically telling me Bry was gone. God didn’t have my mom tell me. Can you imagine having to tell your daughter her son was dying?
God was there for the next phone call to Mom telling her I was in line to get on my flight to Salt Lake and would be there in a few hours. Again Mom didn’t answer. This time her Bishop answered. His last words to was” I don’t know how to tell you this”. I hung up. I knew but I never had to hear the words “Bryan died” or “He’s dead.” Mom again didn’t have to tell me. As I was standing in line to get on the airplane, I lost it.God was there. He has some sweet lady standing right beside me. She asked me who I lost. I must have said or yelled something, I don’t remember. When I told her she held me and prayed with me. She gave me water and had the gate attendant take me onto the flight. The gate attendant found a seat at the front of the plane. It just so happened I sat next to a young man that was on his way to get help with his drug addiction. I was able to talk and pray with him. Think it was just a coincidence?
When Krystal got her phone call. God was there. She was with her best friend, Bryce. She wasn’t alone. He and his Mom made sure Krystal got an airline ticket and took her to the airport. Before she left for the airport she was comforted by the best neighbor. She was able to be comforted by a father figure. Kent would say he didn’t do much but he was a huge blessing at the time.
I didn’t make it to my parents house before The Coroner had picked him up for the autopsy. I did not have a chance to say good bye. God was there. The mortician that was helping us just happened to be related to my Aunt. After much perseverance from both my mom and he me, he consented to me being able to view Bryan before he was cremated. Not the most ideal situation but had the mortician been anyone else that would not have happened.
My last God moment I am going to tell in this post is going to see Bryan. I didn’t want to go by myself but didn’t want my family to have to experience seeing Bryan through glass and that being their last memory. I didn’t want Krystal to go because I didn’t want her last time seeing her brother after an autopsy had been performed. It’s not the best look for someone. I asked one of my oldest friends to take me. Can I just say Lauren is an angel. She is an RN and works in the ER. She had dealt with this kind of stuff a lot but it’s different when it is personal. Her son was also addicted to drugs and had a few very close calls. She was absolutely amazing. She knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. She put all of her own personal feelings and emotions on hold and was there to only support me. God gave her the exact words she needed to say and when. She listened and spoke at exactly the right times. It was so surreal.
There are so many more moment I could share. If you’re going through a hard time, know God is there. He is comforting you, protecting you, guiding you. He puts people in your path at exactly the right time. He listens an cares for you. If you believe Jesus is your Lord and savior you have been adopted into God’s family. He is your Father!
Today, I am going to try to change the way I think of this day. Yes it is the anniversary of the worst day of my life, but it is also the anniversary of knowing and experiencing God love for me and my family. This is what It means to count your trial as joy.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4 ESV
No comments:
Post a Comment