Early Christmas presents

As most of you know by now especially if you are friends with me on facebook, that Bryan was an extra on the Disney Channel's Good Luck Charlie's Christmas episode.  The episode aired for the first time Friday night.  As the day was nearing I became very apprehensive.  I really didn't want to start a spiral downward.  I have been coping pretty well for the last couple of weeks.  I didn't know if seeing Bryan in the show would be one of my emotional triggers.  At the same time there is no way I was going to miss it. This episode was filmed about six weeks before Bryan died.

I started to watch and not knowing what scenes he was in, I was looking everywhere for him.  It was getting to the last half of the show and I had not seen him yet.  I was getting a little disappointed thinking he was cut from the show.  Then I saw him.  It was very fast the first time.  It was almost like I was falling in love again, my heart rate increased and my stomach started having butterflies.  Then I saw him a couple more times.  I haven't been that excited in a long time. 

Seeing my bud again did just the oppisite of what I thought it would do.  I think I am still on a happy high.  What an incredible Christmas gift I was given.  I got to see my son smiling and looking like he was happy and having fun!  He was handsome and he had the gleem in his eyes I love.  The only thing that would be better was to hear him say "I love you."   Yes, I know I am bragging but I just can't get over the feeling of seeing him again.  I also get to brag to my friends and relatives how handsome my son is. ( No, I don't think he got his looks from me)  Which in itself is another gift!!

Another Christmas present I recieved this year was when I opened the Christmas decorations my favorite Christmas picture of my two older kids was in the box I opened, face up, on top of all the other decorations.  I do not know how it got there.  I haven't seen it in years.  I had the one without Santa but hadn't been able to find the picture of them with Santa.  Seeing this picture did make me cry and I started missing Bryan.  Christmas will never be like it was and it will never feel right. However in the last 2 weeks I have gotten 2 great presents that will be charished for a very long time.  I am very excited to find out how many other surprise presents there will be.